It’s funny how we humans seem to be so afraid of fear. Every time we try something new, we are bound to feel it. We approach things with a set of expectations and wishes that we are certain when the idea first comes that we will fulfill. Then the reality hits…..!
This painting has certainly been no exception. It has involved a lot of firsts – the airbrush, a little more realism than I have used in the past on paintings over 24″, and I have never done architecture at this scale before. When I paused to take the photo of this phase, realizing I was confronted with the house to finish, I felt fear rise up in me like a volcano.
“I have no idea what I am doing!”, was one of the thoughts I heard go through my head. Others were, “I am going to screw this up”, “How am I going to pull this one off?”, and, of course the all encompassing, “What was I thinking?!?”.
Staying conscious of these thoughts is the only way to prevent them from taking over and ruining the experience – and often the work itself. This kind of fear, is more like worry. Worry, as we all know is a waste of energy and gets nothing accomplished.
This painting has to be submitted at 4pm tomorrow, so I have a long night ahead of me, no doubt. The hardest work will not be painting, but, controlling the fear of failure. If I succeed, the reward will be not so much in the finished work, but, in the enjoyment of the act of painting and growing as an artist. At least, that is the great idea…
I’ll keep telling myself that… 😉
I will likely post the finished piece quite late tomorrow or Thursday!