All That You Must Leave Behind (detail) © 2005 MBH
I worry about this sudden interest in bullying and those that think a rise in “awareness” is the solution. Tell me truthfully – who is not aware of this issue? Most of us have witnessed it, perpetrated it or suffered it. The value will hopefully come from a continued discussion and an end to silent suffering. Change comes from our individual decisions and taking responsibility for them.
I was mercilessly humiliated and violently bullied as a teenager. When I was 13, I had an adult leave me to the mercy of my tormentors because she did not want to deal with them. She said she had a headache. The verbal taunting escalated to violence when the bullies realized there would be no consequences for their actions.
Abandoned by witnesses and authority figures, I would try to hide from my tormentors behind brick walls and in classrooms until I was kicked out by teachers. I tried, in vain, to disappear. Many times I would be forced to go out into the winter chill after my gloves had been stolen. I am sure there are many who attended school with me and never knew I existed. I cannot imagine how impossible that small grace is in the age of social media.
Some think the solution is to jam some politically correct platitudes down the throats of all children and their chaperones. How does this make a child less of a target? Pity and the empty words of those who would not protect them when they needed it brings a spotlight on what is already a humiliating experience. Look at the angry words on some of Amanda Todd’s FB tributes. Through her tragic and unnecessary death, she has become a lightening rod.
If you see a child being bullied – have the independent courage to have it stopped. Cyber bullying requires criminal prosecution. Report the bully. Don’t make these kids ‘special’ – help them to feel normal and let them decide what makes them special!
To all of you out there that feel singled out by bullies – Hang in there! You are your own hero and you will be OK. Take inspiration from Malala Yousufzai, the Pakistani girl who faces a bully beyond most of our imaginations. Get your education by standing strong. Thankfully, high school ends eventually. Whether you realize it now or not, the world needs you.
To the bullies – It is up to you to take responsibility for your actions. Not teachers, not your parents. Use that strength in a way that builds your self-esteem and that of others! Protect the kids in your school who might be targets instead of fueling the fire. Do the right thing. You’ll respect yourself and that makes you a real leader – something our society is short on these days.
To those who stand by and watch: Ask yourselves – does watching and doing nothing make you as bad as the bully? Our world is full of mediocrity that is the result of not trying hard enough or doing nothing when action is called for. The bully and the victim are the outliers and the survivors are motivated to make the world a better, more beautiful place. What are you doing? Don’t stand by and watch. Inertia is as evil as the crime itself – maybe worse. That is NOT a call to war – it is a call to compassion and personal courage.
I think the “awareness” is useless unless it keeps this discussion going and doesn’t die off until the next teenage suicide. It does not give us permission to remain silent just because there are many teenagers out there suffering in silence.
*big hugs*
what does bug me the most about what is happening in canada with amanda, is that people and the media is acting like this doesn’t happen all the time :/ its been going on for years and i sadly dont see it stopping. there are too many people out there that ignore it, whether it is their kid doing the bullying, people seeing it and not stopping it, schools not treating it seriously until something like this happens. it is not OK, it shouldn’t be happening and i really wish it didn’t take a young girl killing herself before people stop and think something is wrong.
there was a school shooting in taber, alberta at the school i went to for 2 years, after i had left the shooting happened. worst 2 years of my life. anyone not “normal” was bullied and when the shooting happened, people were surprised there was a problem at the school, even tho it wasn’t a secret kids were bullied, people just ignored it. small town mentality at its best.
Very well writen. Bullying does not have an age of where it starts or when it stops. I know my husband way bullied in preschool and even my own son in SK. Last year I would ask how his day was and sometimes he would say great I found a place to hide with my best friend. We were lucky that the principal took action when I called. But this did happen through last few school years and at Camp. All you can do is speak out until and someone listens.
(((HUGS)))
Very moving blog Michelle….this is one of the great uses of social media .
What is it that drives people, of any age ,to think this all right. That disabling another soul from now and into the rest of their lives is acceptable because you can perhaps be anonymous in this day and age . Any kind of ” ABUSE ” is inhumane and criminal . Capture and punishment needs to be enabled. Those who have experienced this crime personally and those of us who are now empowered, need to come together as one force and put an end to these crimes, no matter what age the criminals. Lessons need to be learned. These are our children, the future generations. Is this one of our legasies , that we will stand by and not protect the innocent? Let the children know that they are safe.. in their homes, in their schools…how will they know if we do not show them? We all need to speak out and we all need to LISTEN…SEE and ACT … let all children know that someone loves them …
Reading this, I realized I was never bullied, or I went to ‘nice’ schools where that sort of thing was muted and under the radar, because I was always an outsider and very few friends and felt ostracized, but no one did anything awful…and that still felt horrid enough. I can’t imagine what it would be like have really criminal behaviour ignored not just by peers but by authorities that know.